Beautiful Black women need to let Black men pursue them instead of always being the other way around. I don’t want anyone to think that there’s anything wrong with being pursued and a woman having standards and holding her space as Queen for her King. A man should prove he has worth and is worth her space and time. Male energy is active while feminine energy is outside of resting. Men who are actively seeking the affections of “courting” a woman has to have the ability to demonstrate he can be a proper and prospering counterpart.
Beautiful Black women seem to be under attack. Stop allowing men you’re not interested in to chase you. As a woman, you are naturally predisposed to enjoy being chased. In your mind, you may initially feel you don’t like him and are keeping yourself separate. This is a tremendous mistake as you overt the necessary “get to know you” phase and all you have to go on is the fervor of the pursuit, which may not even be real.
Allow the man you’re interested in to pursue you, but the pursuit is not enough to earn your Vagina. Dinner is blinded by pretty words – keep your eyes and mind open. Get to know him, see what’s behind his word, see if you two are a good match. See if he is right for you as a woman!
Your Vagina is not a prize to be won simply by the highest bidder, biggest hoop jumper, or the sweetest talker. The pursuit is merely temporary; figure out if you really know the person behind the pursuit. Does he know who you are? Don’t keep yourself on a pedestal while he does all the “work”, use this as an opportunity to really figure out who he is. Ask questions, be reserved, don’t rush things. Be extra cautious if he’s disrespecting himself or allowing you to disrespect him (a matter of factly- you shouldn’t be disrespecting him), that type of behavior is nonsustainable. It’s self-abuse and a warning sign to you.
Here are two questions to ask:
1. What exactly is he pursuing? Is he pursuing you as a human being or taking shortcuts with money to overt your attention away from getting to know him and get you into the bedroom. #flashbangsforvagina
2. What does he really know about you? It’s your job as the throne maker to make sure he has a clear understanding of who you are, and what you want. #knowyourresponsibility
It is severely important to move past men you weren’t interested in from the beginning. When you’ve been starved of affection and attention, you unwillingly put yourself in a position of reciprocity from a man with no initial connections. Your lack of interest made you ignore making to effort to get to know him on a level which you could identify if he was ever a good match for you. So by default you’ve allowed a man in your circle because there was no one else left. Now you're adorning him with affection and attention without having known who he is or even if he is deserving the affection now bestowed.
This result can lead to you engaging in a dating relationship with mostly poor outcomes, and I would never want to see you waste your time. As one sister to another, it’s our job to keep each other focused on their rights, things in regards to men and dating. More than anything, we are the gatekeepers and as such we must be able to discern between men who are good fits for our lives versus men we merely desire.